Oh man. Apparently the Miss Universe pageant was strapped for cash because they picked Heidi Montag as entertainment! Sorry, hon, but you’re no Britney.

They claim in the article that she’s lip-syncing big time, but the video doesn’t seem detailed enough to show us.

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What’s this? Paris has a new bodyguard? Manager? PR guy? Nah, it’s just her latest boy toy, none other than Lauren’s ex Doug Reinhardt. Apparently ol’ Amanda Bynes is out and he’s been doing things like spending V-Day and, oh, going to Tokyo with Paris Hilton. You know, the usual. (Don’t forget she’s not new to the Hills scene!)

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LOL.  This is from the set of Heidi’s new song Overdosin’.  Wow, just wow.

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Oh well, we’re sure we’ll still watch.

”I would go out on a limb and say this is probably the biggest show we’ve ever had,” says MTV Networks’ president of entertainment, Brian Graden. ”With Lauren Conrad, a whole generation of women see themselves in her.” Says Tony DiSanto, MTV’s exec VP of series programming and development, ”It’s almost becoming like a novel at this point, like this generation’s A Tale of Two Cities or Oliver Twist.”

Sweet.

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Oh Heidi…release a song or two and you think you’re hot stuff or something.  Oh wait, you already thought that.  Kinda like Audrina.

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Update: We really should read the stories that go along with these pictures before just stealing them.  Heidi gives an interview with USA Today saying she wants to release a Christian album one day.  Here are some of the highlights:

“I fell in love with him the second I saw him,” she says. “He’s the most amazing person to exist. Everything you could ever want in a best friend, soul mate and boyfriend.”

Vomit.

“I don’t even want to talk about that,” Montag says. “There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.”

LOL, that is rich.  Yes, Heidi, you are right up there with Jesus for getting “persecuted” for spreading sex tape rumors.

Montag identifies herself as “kind of non-denominational Baptist” and hopes to release a Christian album one day. Both she and Pratt read the Bible conscientiously. Montag even planned on devoting her life to God as a missionary in Africa.

That’s right, when Spencer’s not reading Forbes and books about power.

This August, she and Pratt are headed to Africa to “feed children and help build things.”

Sounds like a solid, geniune plan!

Montag likes to think she and the Jonas Brothers are part of a new wave of positive role models. “As a parent, I would not want my daughter looking up to someone throwing money away, on drugs or coming out of rehab,” she says.

Oh yes, Heidi, you are such a pillar of good will.

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Heidi Montag – Fashion

“We’re financing [the album] ourselves on a shoestring budget,” Pratt said. “It’s so organic. And this is just the warm-up. We’re just heating up the water in the bathtub. It’s gonna get hot!”

There really are no words.

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Guess Brent Bolthouse and Jared Leto are chums.  Maybe if Brent Bolthouse was on MTV back when Jared Leto was, he’d be less of a laughingstock.

Those were the good ol’ days of MTV (sigh…FOURTEEN years ago).

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Move over, MySpace.  Speidi has landed on the social networking scene with the launch of Speidiweb!  We’ll let you know how it is if ever stops timing out on us.

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Oh, Chase from Laguna Beach Season 3, you need to learn that your badassness stops at being the frontman for “Open Air Stereo”.  LOL.

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First she’s a model, now she’s an actress!  Audrina works the set of Into the Blue 2 (we’re sure this will line her right up for an Academy Award). Looks like she made her own little inbreastment.

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Nice. Conveniently around the time Justin Bobby’s about to make his epic return to The Hills, we find out he’s got a modeling gig with Orthodox. Maybe you can give Audrina some tips for modeling with clothes on, JB.

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Heidi takes the opportunity to show off her animal side at her Heidiwood fashion show. Reminiscent of our friend Lindsay LOLhan.  Looks like this zebra lost some its skin since the last time we saw it.

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LOL. Audrina took these photos when she was 19 in hopes of getting into Playboy. Bet she never banked on them to get unleashed on the world…or did she?

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It’s on! Heidi’s modeling her new clothing line, Heidiwood, mere days after Lauren premiered her line with a fashion show. Let the fashion battles begin. Also, we hear Whitney is coming out with a line too.

Check out Heidi’s comment on the girls’ fashion expertise: “When we were in school, I was the designer, and she was in, like, product development.”

Love it.

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Good job trying to keep relevant, Jason. At a Horton Hears a Who premiere. Oh and Katja accompanied him, but meh.

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JK, JK. This is Heidi getting ready for her new fashion line Heidiwood. But seeing her toting around a ton of laundry while Spencer sat on his dumb ass all season long on The Hills, it’s not a stretch of the imagination.

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Yeah…this couldn’t possibly go wrong.  And after he just proclaimed having a girlfriend who he introduced to the parents…and her three-day romp in Europe.

Brohan?

So many tags, so little time.

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Sorry, Audrina, but it’s true. Your eyes are almost as freaky as hers.

We sure hope this means Paris will drop by the Hollywood Villas.

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Heidi’s turning a new leaf in ‘08.  We wish her luck…but will welcome her back with open arms should she decide to come back to the dark, judgmental side.

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K-Cav is living it up in Las Vegas for her 21st on January 5th..you know, like a real celebrity. But we’re sure she can party it up with the best of ‘em.

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We’re sure it was fun while it lasted, Stephen.

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No, Talan, you could not be Ryan Reynolds or Paul Walker right now.

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